Little carry over from my last post...in which I talked a little about Christmas, and the celebrating of it in Africa. Kumbe (Surprise!), Village Christmas was actually pretty phenomenal. Went to mass (for the second time in 12 hours...whatever), which was in our newly refurbished (Thanks Dad and all who contributed!) church. Three different villages came to our church for Christmas (there’s only one priest for the parish, and there are about 12 churches in the parish). But before mass I got up early to make presents! I had tried baking bread the night before, but apparently my yeast was tired, and my bread, it burned. So I woke up to bake the gift of Christmas cornbread, which I then gave to some of my friends. And it was a great day, with some songs and some celebrating and a late-nite village disco (absolutely as weird as it sounds). But it was in the middle of making Christmas Cornbread that I had a small festivus epiphany.
See, I had been talking to my friends in the days and weeks leading up to Christmas, and asking them if they felt merry yet. To a one, the answer was, ‘not yet’. And it was exactly the same here. Hard to feel merry when it is rainy and muddy and 80 degrees. It wasn’t until I started actually doing something holiday-related that I felt at all Christmassy. Which I think is true of everybody. Christmas has become this all-consuming behemoth, spewing joy left and right. Common sense would suggest that, just by wading into public in the month of December, you should end up with some cheer stuck on you, like it or not. But it doesn’t seem to work that way. I could be engulfed by carols and dressed solely in tinsel (a mildly disturbing image), and not feel a thing. But the second I started actually making merry...it felt like Christmas. And it was wonderful.
We’re gonna skip New Years. I hope you all had a great time, I hope you all were safe. If you want my stories...you have to call me. It was pretty freaking awesome, but the internet is not meant to know all things.
On to the events of my day today. It wasn’t particularly momentous, as days go. But enough little things were funny that I found them blog-worthy. Hope you agree.
Woke up a little early to go with my AIDS group to the health clinic. Why? Wanted to talk about doing a public health seminar with....my lovely girlfriend! I got on the first available bus with my friend...who we shall call Kally (which is kind of her real name). We got off at a nearby town, and were going to start walking towards the health clinic. But Kally was hungry, so we stopped for some breakfast. Unfortunately, at this point Kally realized that she had left her phone on the bus, and began to freak out. She had me call it. It didn’t ring. I tried again. Still no luck. Her son had just sent her money on that phone (using phone services for banking is really common here). She had no money for a new one. This is a woman who used to live in Dar Es Salaam, in the capital. She used to live with her friends, by discos and bars, with water and power and a job. But then she got into a bad car accident, and had to move back with her family in the village. And then she was diagnosed with HIV. And now her only connection with her old life is riding somewhere on a bus, in someone else’s pocket. She just stared off into nowhere, ignoring all my attempts at levity, maybe thinking about just how out of whack life can get. At one point she said to me, “now I’ll just get hit by a car”. I wasn’t sure if this was a joke or wishful thinking. I prepared myself to spend the rest of the day in a fruitless attempt to cheer her up. It was at that point that she found her phone. Women. And their purses. It’s like they have their own gravity.
Got back to the village, had a three hour meeting (in which I solved several word puzzles). And then my partner and I showed up at his store, and there were seedlings waiting for us! Little, beautiful pine seedlings, which we had planted back in March, and now were ready to be sold! We put them out in front of his store, and it was like moths to a flame. We had two customers in the first two minutes. The seedlings are becoming soldlings (unavoidable)! I was so excited that I decided to run home and get my camera.
I was striding home with a purpose, and given that I’m a foot taller than anyone in the village, it looked like I was riding a scooter. I was passing my neighbor’s house, and he was sitting on his porch with one of my best friends. I greeted them on my way by, and my one friend, noting my hasty gait, asked if I was in a hurry. I said I was. He asked if I was in too much of a hurry to sit down and enjoy a bowl of fresh picked peaches, while the sun set picturesquely in the distance. I said no, I was not. And I wasn’t. If Africa has taught me anything, it’s that there will always be enough work for tomorrow, but fruits and friends should never be passed upon. So I kicked back and relaxed with two of my best friends and a bowl of peaches. And what did we talk about? Me. Specifically, me leaving them.
In every sense of the word, this was inevitable. I’ve finally gotten sort of halfway good at this job. Which means it’s almost time to leave. And as the sun vanished, lighting only the tippy tops of the incoming thunderclouds, and we talked about how we would all miss one another, it seemed like someone was saying, “do you get it yet?” Yeah. I get it. I’m not ready for it, but I get it.
And then I went home and drugged the cat. Thanks for the catnip, Kucz. There’s a stoned cat lounging around my house. And he’s hungry.
Small but crucial addendum to the day: before my friend started freaking out about her not-really-lost phone, we walked into a mgahawa (a cafe). My friend wanted to get some beef soup for breakfast. However, on the way into the cafe I noticed a bucket by the side of the door. And in the bucket was the head of a cow. There was no body attached to the head. I asked Kally what the head was for, and she said, “the soup”. Then the woman running the place showed up with two bowls of soup. I respectfully declined. But, you know, good way to start the morning, right? Nice little reminder. Seize the day, chew my cud, all that. Because tomorrow the head in the bucket might be mine. Or yours. Yeah. Chew on that.
Happy New Year, my friends. Miss you all.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Friday, December 23, 2011
Note How the Hand Never Touches the Spoon
Which is the funniest line from Muppet Family Christmas, wherein Grover demonstrates, with vigor, how he is NOT stirring ("as in, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse").
Hell of a thing happened the other day. It was getting a bit late in the day, a little bit dark, and I had forgotten to pick up fish for the cat (a treat I like to give him if I’m not cooking dinner). So I wandered my way down to the club, and made my way to the fishmonger’s den (entering any of these drinking chambers feels like you’re going into an orc’s lair). The lantern was lit, the lighting was eerie, but familiar. The fish were almost gone, but there were enough for the cat (he’s not overly picky). I walked in, took a look around, said a quick hello, and started picking fish. Then....slowly....I realized that something momentous had happened, in that very instant.
Nobody stopped talking. Nobody was staring raptly at the white dude. No one, in point of fact, seemed to care very much that I was there.
My mother takes pride in the fact that she (and all mothers) knew, long before scientists verified it, that children don’t grow gradually every day. They do, in fact, grow in spurts, and come down some mornings longer than you left them the night before. Somehow, that night, my villagers and I were just a little taller. In some ways, it isn’t the greatest story in the world. It probably means that my villagers are finally bored with me, that I have truly become old news. But to that I say, humbug. To become old news in an African village is the aspiration of every Peace Corps Volunteer. But it is even more than that. My friends in that room were talking about politics, and religion, and how they fit together in modern Tanzania. It was an engaging, interesting discussion, and I was ever so happy to eavesdrop in on it (another feat that was once impossible). In other words, what they were talking about IS a hell of a lot more interesting than me, and I was thrilled that they agreed. In the end, I’m talking about inclusion. I’m talking about belonging. I don’t fit in. I may never fit in. That does not mean that I do not belong.
I am currently reading a book called “Will in the World”, about the life and times of one William Shakespeare (or Shakeshafte, as he was also called). One of the earliest passages struck me. The writer was talking about how even though the language was English, anybody who was anybody spoke Latin. Latin was the language of instruction, the language of the elite, the universities. The queen and her advisers all spoke it. If you didn’t know Latin you probably weren’t worth the time to teach it. And if you take English and Latin, and substitute Swahili and English, respectively, you have the exact same condition in Tanzania.
I hate it. A lot. Swahili is a beautiful language, descending from the Bantu family of languages and heavily blended with Arabic. When it is spoken properly, it has a musicality to it that is remarkable. But what language are secondary school students and university students taught in? English. What is the language of the courts? English. What language do I hear brokenly screamed at me whenever I walk anywhere, at anytime? English.
On one hand, I appreciate the effort. Being bilingual is an admirable goal, and Tanzanians are a lot closer to it than other peoples I could name. On the other, actual hand, I hate it. What English really does, in my mind, is enforce and reinforce the idea that anything “African” is inherently inferior. Why, in God’s name, should a Tanzanian boy be learning African History in English? What purpose does that really serve? If the goal is that he learn another language, then make sure he has some great English teachers and that he does his homework. But the purpose of History is not to learn English. It’s to learn History. Let him learn that. There are all sorts of students, quick and bright, who fail Math, Science, and Civics, just because they don’t understand English, the language of instruction. Even worse, to my eyes, is the pandering to tourists, which I realize is not limited to Tanzania. Isn’t it the job of the tourist to know how to get around the country which he/she is visiting? I love any Tanzanian who automatically greets me in Swahili, expecting me to know his language, because dammit, we’re in his country. I wish more felt that way. There’s still this weird, lingering, debilitating colonial aftertaste...and it makes me sick. I’m happy to be treated well, as a guest. But it almost feels to me like it is time for some self-righteousness. I take solace in the fact that there aren’t a whole lot of English walking around spouting Latin. Perhaps these things just take time.
My pigs have arrived! I started planning a pig project with my AIDS group back in March, and 9 months later, we’re hog wild in Idetero. Before I get into any of the salient details, the pigs have the following names, courtesy of myself and one Kelsey Drake: Evil Dr. Porkchop, The Uncultured Swine, The Baconatrix, Rooter, Wilbur, Babe, Hamlet, Spider Pig, Miss Piggy, Harry Porkchop, Piglet, and Oprah. They are each being kept by a member of a group called Jipe Moyo, which is made up exclusively of people living with AIDS/HIV. I’ve written plenty about this group, so I’ll skip to the project itself.
On Monday, December 12, we had a pigkeeping training. It was done by my local livestock guy, who is the most metrosexual man you may ever find in a Third World village, fond of cashmere vests and tight white pants. Everybody passed (there were no tests). I also had everybody sign a contract, agreeing to the rules and regulations of the project (I’m my father’s son). Three or four of the group can’t read, so I read it aloud and then they put their thumbs in ink and signed it. On Tuesday, December 13, I went into town and bought over a metric ton of pig feed (mostly corn meal and sunflower cake). Then, along with help from some truly lovely people, I loaded it into the back of a beat-ass truck and somehow or other got it to the village. At that point each group member had to get it back to their own house. One member relied on two village drunks to load a 100-kilo bag onto a bicycle and push it a kilometer. I may never have laughed so hard. I had to run yelling after random villagers asking for help, but everybody got their food home. On Wednesday, December 14, I brought back medications for mange, worms, and bacterial infections. And on Thursday, December 15th, I brought home the bacon.
It wasn’t easy. The district loaned us a truck, but we had to fill it with sawdust and build something so the pigs wouldn’t jump out (in case they had tired of this world). We then picked up the swine, which involved wrangling. I caught a pig!! I was so stoked! Having loaded all the pigs (who then started biting each other), we set off. The Tanzanians with me told fart jokes. I laughed. And then we got to the village, and I hopped off to show the way, then hopped onto the back of the truck. Why the back of the truck? So I could stand up, above the truck, as we pulled into view of my group. So I could take off my hat and wave it over my head like a cowboy bringing in the herd. So I could yell “Sooooiiiiiieeeeee!”, and mean it. These are the happy times. The pigs are doing well, I visit them often. Wilbur is probably my favorite. He’s a happy pig.
It’s Christmas. Odds are strong that you knew that before you clicked on my blog. I’m not really sure what to write here. My house will have two stockings, a plastic Christmas tree, one cat, and a tall guy. Merry it will be, crowded it will not. I don’t have anything profound or germane to add on to what I wrote last year. If anything, the thing that most strikes me now is how quickly a year can leave you, how quickly this one has left me. I blinked, and it was gone, and it seems that so much of what I did, or tried to do, was just keeping up, running as the world turned, trying not to be flung off of it. But for a moment, just before the end of the year, I have a chance to catch my breath, to look backwards and forwards, unsure of what I’ve done and unsure of what I’m about to do. Because that’s what Christmas is to me. A time to reset, a time to just be joyful, and figure out how to be happier, to be better, in the year that’s to come. I’m sitting in a Tanzanian hostel. I just finished watching The Muppet Family Christmas (technology is wonderful). At one point Kermit says to Robin (his tiny protege), “Life would pass in a blur if not for times like these.” The frog speaketh truth.
I love you all. I’ll never be happy about the prospect of leaving Tanzania, but I am giddy at the idea of spending next Christmas surrounded by my wonderful friends and my incredible family. I miss each of you, and I miss all of you. Yet for this last Christmas in Africa, I’m quite happy to be here, now. These are also my friends, and I love them dearly. I’ve never known less what a new year might bring, but I’ve also never been so excited by not knowing. Thank you for reading. May your holidays be merry, may your troubles be forgotten, and may your hopes burn ever brighter. God bless us, every one.
Merry Christmas.
Hell of a thing happened the other day. It was getting a bit late in the day, a little bit dark, and I had forgotten to pick up fish for the cat (a treat I like to give him if I’m not cooking dinner). So I wandered my way down to the club, and made my way to the fishmonger’s den (entering any of these drinking chambers feels like you’re going into an orc’s lair). The lantern was lit, the lighting was eerie, but familiar. The fish were almost gone, but there were enough for the cat (he’s not overly picky). I walked in, took a look around, said a quick hello, and started picking fish. Then....slowly....I realized that something momentous had happened, in that very instant.
Nobody stopped talking. Nobody was staring raptly at the white dude. No one, in point of fact, seemed to care very much that I was there.
My mother takes pride in the fact that she (and all mothers) knew, long before scientists verified it, that children don’t grow gradually every day. They do, in fact, grow in spurts, and come down some mornings longer than you left them the night before. Somehow, that night, my villagers and I were just a little taller. In some ways, it isn’t the greatest story in the world. It probably means that my villagers are finally bored with me, that I have truly become old news. But to that I say, humbug. To become old news in an African village is the aspiration of every Peace Corps Volunteer. But it is even more than that. My friends in that room were talking about politics, and religion, and how they fit together in modern Tanzania. It was an engaging, interesting discussion, and I was ever so happy to eavesdrop in on it (another feat that was once impossible). In other words, what they were talking about IS a hell of a lot more interesting than me, and I was thrilled that they agreed. In the end, I’m talking about inclusion. I’m talking about belonging. I don’t fit in. I may never fit in. That does not mean that I do not belong.
I am currently reading a book called “Will in the World”, about the life and times of one William Shakespeare (or Shakeshafte, as he was also called). One of the earliest passages struck me. The writer was talking about how even though the language was English, anybody who was anybody spoke Latin. Latin was the language of instruction, the language of the elite, the universities. The queen and her advisers all spoke it. If you didn’t know Latin you probably weren’t worth the time to teach it. And if you take English and Latin, and substitute Swahili and English, respectively, you have the exact same condition in Tanzania.
I hate it. A lot. Swahili is a beautiful language, descending from the Bantu family of languages and heavily blended with Arabic. When it is spoken properly, it has a musicality to it that is remarkable. But what language are secondary school students and university students taught in? English. What is the language of the courts? English. What language do I hear brokenly screamed at me whenever I walk anywhere, at anytime? English.
On one hand, I appreciate the effort. Being bilingual is an admirable goal, and Tanzanians are a lot closer to it than other peoples I could name. On the other, actual hand, I hate it. What English really does, in my mind, is enforce and reinforce the idea that anything “African” is inherently inferior. Why, in God’s name, should a Tanzanian boy be learning African History in English? What purpose does that really serve? If the goal is that he learn another language, then make sure he has some great English teachers and that he does his homework. But the purpose of History is not to learn English. It’s to learn History. Let him learn that. There are all sorts of students, quick and bright, who fail Math, Science, and Civics, just because they don’t understand English, the language of instruction. Even worse, to my eyes, is the pandering to tourists, which I realize is not limited to Tanzania. Isn’t it the job of the tourist to know how to get around the country which he/she is visiting? I love any Tanzanian who automatically greets me in Swahili, expecting me to know his language, because dammit, we’re in his country. I wish more felt that way. There’s still this weird, lingering, debilitating colonial aftertaste...and it makes me sick. I’m happy to be treated well, as a guest. But it almost feels to me like it is time for some self-righteousness. I take solace in the fact that there aren’t a whole lot of English walking around spouting Latin. Perhaps these things just take time.
My pigs have arrived! I started planning a pig project with my AIDS group back in March, and 9 months later, we’re hog wild in Idetero. Before I get into any of the salient details, the pigs have the following names, courtesy of myself and one Kelsey Drake: Evil Dr. Porkchop, The Uncultured Swine, The Baconatrix, Rooter, Wilbur, Babe, Hamlet, Spider Pig, Miss Piggy, Harry Porkchop, Piglet, and Oprah. They are each being kept by a member of a group called Jipe Moyo, which is made up exclusively of people living with AIDS/HIV. I’ve written plenty about this group, so I’ll skip to the project itself.
On Monday, December 12, we had a pigkeeping training. It was done by my local livestock guy, who is the most metrosexual man you may ever find in a Third World village, fond of cashmere vests and tight white pants. Everybody passed (there were no tests). I also had everybody sign a contract, agreeing to the rules and regulations of the project (I’m my father’s son). Three or four of the group can’t read, so I read it aloud and then they put their thumbs in ink and signed it. On Tuesday, December 13, I went into town and bought over a metric ton of pig feed (mostly corn meal and sunflower cake). Then, along with help from some truly lovely people, I loaded it into the back of a beat-ass truck and somehow or other got it to the village. At that point each group member had to get it back to their own house. One member relied on two village drunks to load a 100-kilo bag onto a bicycle and push it a kilometer. I may never have laughed so hard. I had to run yelling after random villagers asking for help, but everybody got their food home. On Wednesday, December 14, I brought back medications for mange, worms, and bacterial infections. And on Thursday, December 15th, I brought home the bacon.
It wasn’t easy. The district loaned us a truck, but we had to fill it with sawdust and build something so the pigs wouldn’t jump out (in case they had tired of this world). We then picked up the swine, which involved wrangling. I caught a pig!! I was so stoked! Having loaded all the pigs (who then started biting each other), we set off. The Tanzanians with me told fart jokes. I laughed. And then we got to the village, and I hopped off to show the way, then hopped onto the back of the truck. Why the back of the truck? So I could stand up, above the truck, as we pulled into view of my group. So I could take off my hat and wave it over my head like a cowboy bringing in the herd. So I could yell “Sooooiiiiiieeeeee!”, and mean it. These are the happy times. The pigs are doing well, I visit them often. Wilbur is probably my favorite. He’s a happy pig.
It’s Christmas. Odds are strong that you knew that before you clicked on my blog. I’m not really sure what to write here. My house will have two stockings, a plastic Christmas tree, one cat, and a tall guy. Merry it will be, crowded it will not. I don’t have anything profound or germane to add on to what I wrote last year. If anything, the thing that most strikes me now is how quickly a year can leave you, how quickly this one has left me. I blinked, and it was gone, and it seems that so much of what I did, or tried to do, was just keeping up, running as the world turned, trying not to be flung off of it. But for a moment, just before the end of the year, I have a chance to catch my breath, to look backwards and forwards, unsure of what I’ve done and unsure of what I’m about to do. Because that’s what Christmas is to me. A time to reset, a time to just be joyful, and figure out how to be happier, to be better, in the year that’s to come. I’m sitting in a Tanzanian hostel. I just finished watching The Muppet Family Christmas (technology is wonderful). At one point Kermit says to Robin (his tiny protege), “Life would pass in a blur if not for times like these.” The frog speaketh truth.
I love you all. I’ll never be happy about the prospect of leaving Tanzania, but I am giddy at the idea of spending next Christmas surrounded by my wonderful friends and my incredible family. I miss each of you, and I miss all of you. Yet for this last Christmas in Africa, I’m quite happy to be here, now. These are also my friends, and I love them dearly. I’ve never known less what a new year might bring, but I’ve also never been so excited by not knowing. Thank you for reading. May your holidays be merry, may your troubles be forgotten, and may your hopes burn ever brighter. God bless us, every one.
Merry Christmas.
Monday, December 5, 2011
R.I.P. Terrance
It’s another morning in East Africa. One of my best friends and favorite people here just got on a bus. She’s going to Kenya, then Uganda, then the good old U.S.A. I don’t know when or where or, for that matter, if we will see each other again. Another reminder, as if I needed one, that time is slipping quickly, and inexorably, into the past. Before too too long I myself will be getting on a bus. And I’m not ready. The only problem with that is that 8 months from now, I will still not be ready. It’s worth mentioning that some people have asked me what I’m planning to do after this. Even more of you might have thought of asking of me. The answer is, I don’t know. I have a million ideas, and not a single answer. Which is both horrifying and exciting. But, since there’s naught to be done, I have more fun stories to relate.
Thanksgiving happened! It was such a great day! I had spent the preceding week tracking down a turkey (in the business sense, not like I was in the woods actually tracking anything). I found one. I went to pick him up the day before Thanksgiving with 2 other volunteers. We chose a nice fat one. We named him Terrance. Tom seemed too predictable. We then put him in a box, put the box in the back of a taxi, and drove 45 miles over a horrible road with the turkey in the back, and 7 people up front (in a car about the size of a Honda Civic). Halfway there, I wanted to be with Terrance in the back. But we got there (there is the beautiful Mufindi Highlands. It’s like the Sound of Music hills, but prettier). And we let Terrance graze for a while (his legs were tied up). We also started calling him Tayshaun, T-Money, and T-Pain, as if by giving him lots of names we could lessen the inevitable shock when we...you know...ate him.
But before you could say “apocalopalypse” we were putting him on the scale, sharpening the knife, and boiling the water (for plucking). He weighed in at 5.5 kilos (not large, but everybody got plenty of meat, so who cares?). And he was calm, almost accepting. We took him off to a grass knoll, and we had a basin. The Tanzanian with us was ready to do the slaughter. But no. I asked for the knife, telling the Tanzanian “nilimfahamu bora” (“I knew him best”). Geneva held the legs. I held the neck. I reassured Terrance that all would be well. And then I cut his head off.
For those playing the home game, I have now chopped down a Christmas tree with a machete and slaughtered the Thanksgiving turkey with a dull knife (it took a bit of doing). I’m thinking of marketing Dan’s Hands-On Holidays. We could make our own gunpowder for July 4 fireworks, and dress up a hen as a rabbit for Easter. Any other ideas?
The holiday itself was nothing short of marvelous. It felt like Thanksgiving, which is, in and of itself, a monumental achievement. There were 16 people, American, Canadian, German, and British. There was turkey, there was stuffing, there was green bean casserole (made by me and Glenn and Meredith), there was pasta salad (made by me), quiche, pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes, rhubarb tort, scalloped potatoes, cheesecake, and more. We played football and frisbee. We played Celebrity and Mafia. When we finished eating, we passed out like a bunch of wolf cubs on the lawn. I was the Toast Master for the entire 3-day party (my favorite toast was when we actually had toast for breakfast. We toasted toast). And I got to stand in front of some of my dearest friends, some of my newest friends, all of whom I like more than I would have thought possible, and raise a glass to friends, family, and home, wherever they might be found. Then we got back to work.
Work, in this case, was a 4-day boys empowerment conference, called Mabadiliko Yanawezekana (Changes are Possible), put together by my fellow volunteers and I. There were 41 boys from 8 villages, and we taught them about goal-setting, business planning, reproductive health, gender equality, AIDS/HIV, and many other subjects. Highlights: there was a condom demonstration at a nearby soccer field. We had a wooden penis (actually several). But some of the boys, bless their hearts, were worried that the condoms might be too small. So what did we do? My good friend Geneva took one for the team, stepped up, and allowed another volunteer to properly pull a condom down her entire forearm. The picture is visual poetry, the boys were stunned to silence, and I may make t-shirts. There was a talent night, where I got up and led the volunteers in a camp song that I have been using since 1997. The boys loved it and got up to do the second verse with us. I also got to lead my favorite session, the Q and A. We put a box out at the beginning of the seminar, and let them write all sorts of anonymous questions. Then we answer them, or if possible, throw it back to the boys and let them answer themselves. A lot of it was fairly in-depth sexual stuff, as they get very little education in these things. We did our best to answer them. But there was one question that gave us pause: “what are the dangers of having sex with animals?”
...
We were flummoxed, unprepared, bamboozled. We were thrown off our game, so we threw it to the crowd. One kid, who is about 5’ and maybe weighs 90 pounds soaking wet, stood up, and said, in a bold, clear voice,
“utaumizwa”
“You will get hurt”
At which point we went to lunch.
After the conference was over I went to a World AIDS Day celebration in a nearby town (it was organized by one of my fellow volunteers). It was a hell of a party. The guys running it worked the crowd beautifully. They had a speed-eating contest (rice and beans followed by a soda), tongue twisters (Asha Osha Uso (Asha clean your face)), and lots of crowd interviews about AIDS. There was one fairly heinous moment, when the master of ceremonies had 3 little girls stand up in front of the crowd. He started asking each one about their parents. All their parents are dead. He asked them where they live now. At this point the one answering questions started crying. But under no circumstances are we going to allow a child in misery to disrupt the narrative, so he just kept asking questions. How do you feel about your parents being gone? How the hell do you think she feels? I hated it. It nearly made me physically ill. I suppose, to his credit, I should mention that they then raised money for the girls school supplies and uniforms. But there are better ways of doing that. These are humans, and they’re young, and they’re scared. They are not textbook examples of suffering, they are actual examples of suffering. There’s a difference, and one demands empathy, not exploitation. Lord save us from well-intentioned people.
Anyway, the real reason I was there is that my AIDS group was performing a couple of songs. And they knocked it out of the freaking park. I was sitting there, and I was near tears. Not because the songs were sad. They weren’t. Because I had lived in this village for 3 days when I went to the second meeting that this group had ever had. I wrote about it in my blog, I remember. There was an air of finality, of morbid acceptance, that pervaded that room. I know I wrote about looking at one mama, with her face in her hands, and me thinking of Dorothea Lange and writing “life doesn’t work out for everybody, does it?” But here’s the thing: that woman’s name is Mama Dennis. And she’s pretty damn awesome.
I’m not sure what happened, but somewhere along the way these people, who had been brought together by a terrible epidemic, started really enjoying being together. And watching them sing and dance, remembering how they never used to speak above a whisper...I’ve never been so proud of anybody in my entire life. My best friend in the group told me the other day that she wanted to live until she was 50. I laughed at her, because she’s about 35. Until I remembered that she is living with HIV, and 50 is a hell of a goal. I hope, I pray, that she gets there. But she isn’t going to live forever, and neither am I. Yet until then, she is singing, with a clear and beautiful voice, about a disease that has found her but not stopped her, in the hope that others might be free of it forever. I love her. I love all of them. For them, and you, and the opportunity to live this life, I am thankful.
Thanksgiving happened! It was such a great day! I had spent the preceding week tracking down a turkey (in the business sense, not like I was in the woods actually tracking anything). I found one. I went to pick him up the day before Thanksgiving with 2 other volunteers. We chose a nice fat one. We named him Terrance. Tom seemed too predictable. We then put him in a box, put the box in the back of a taxi, and drove 45 miles over a horrible road with the turkey in the back, and 7 people up front (in a car about the size of a Honda Civic). Halfway there, I wanted to be with Terrance in the back. But we got there (there is the beautiful Mufindi Highlands. It’s like the Sound of Music hills, but prettier). And we let Terrance graze for a while (his legs were tied up). We also started calling him Tayshaun, T-Money, and T-Pain, as if by giving him lots of names we could lessen the inevitable shock when we...you know...ate him.
But before you could say “apocalopalypse” we were putting him on the scale, sharpening the knife, and boiling the water (for plucking). He weighed in at 5.5 kilos (not large, but everybody got plenty of meat, so who cares?). And he was calm, almost accepting. We took him off to a grass knoll, and we had a basin. The Tanzanian with us was ready to do the slaughter. But no. I asked for the knife, telling the Tanzanian “nilimfahamu bora” (“I knew him best”). Geneva held the legs. I held the neck. I reassured Terrance that all would be well. And then I cut his head off.
For those playing the home game, I have now chopped down a Christmas tree with a machete and slaughtered the Thanksgiving turkey with a dull knife (it took a bit of doing). I’m thinking of marketing Dan’s Hands-On Holidays. We could make our own gunpowder for July 4 fireworks, and dress up a hen as a rabbit for Easter. Any other ideas?
The holiday itself was nothing short of marvelous. It felt like Thanksgiving, which is, in and of itself, a monumental achievement. There were 16 people, American, Canadian, German, and British. There was turkey, there was stuffing, there was green bean casserole (made by me and Glenn and Meredith), there was pasta salad (made by me), quiche, pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes, rhubarb tort, scalloped potatoes, cheesecake, and more. We played football and frisbee. We played Celebrity and Mafia. When we finished eating, we passed out like a bunch of wolf cubs on the lawn. I was the Toast Master for the entire 3-day party (my favorite toast was when we actually had toast for breakfast. We toasted toast). And I got to stand in front of some of my dearest friends, some of my newest friends, all of whom I like more than I would have thought possible, and raise a glass to friends, family, and home, wherever they might be found. Then we got back to work.
Work, in this case, was a 4-day boys empowerment conference, called Mabadiliko Yanawezekana (Changes are Possible), put together by my fellow volunteers and I. There were 41 boys from 8 villages, and we taught them about goal-setting, business planning, reproductive health, gender equality, AIDS/HIV, and many other subjects. Highlights: there was a condom demonstration at a nearby soccer field. We had a wooden penis (actually several). But some of the boys, bless their hearts, were worried that the condoms might be too small. So what did we do? My good friend Geneva took one for the team, stepped up, and allowed another volunteer to properly pull a condom down her entire forearm. The picture is visual poetry, the boys were stunned to silence, and I may make t-shirts. There was a talent night, where I got up and led the volunteers in a camp song that I have been using since 1997. The boys loved it and got up to do the second verse with us. I also got to lead my favorite session, the Q and A. We put a box out at the beginning of the seminar, and let them write all sorts of anonymous questions. Then we answer them, or if possible, throw it back to the boys and let them answer themselves. A lot of it was fairly in-depth sexual stuff, as they get very little education in these things. We did our best to answer them. But there was one question that gave us pause: “what are the dangers of having sex with animals?”
...
We were flummoxed, unprepared, bamboozled. We were thrown off our game, so we threw it to the crowd. One kid, who is about 5’ and maybe weighs 90 pounds soaking wet, stood up, and said, in a bold, clear voice,
“utaumizwa”
“You will get hurt”
At which point we went to lunch.
After the conference was over I went to a World AIDS Day celebration in a nearby town (it was organized by one of my fellow volunteers). It was a hell of a party. The guys running it worked the crowd beautifully. They had a speed-eating contest (rice and beans followed by a soda), tongue twisters (Asha Osha Uso (Asha clean your face)), and lots of crowd interviews about AIDS. There was one fairly heinous moment, when the master of ceremonies had 3 little girls stand up in front of the crowd. He started asking each one about their parents. All their parents are dead. He asked them where they live now. At this point the one answering questions started crying. But under no circumstances are we going to allow a child in misery to disrupt the narrative, so he just kept asking questions. How do you feel about your parents being gone? How the hell do you think she feels? I hated it. It nearly made me physically ill. I suppose, to his credit, I should mention that they then raised money for the girls school supplies and uniforms. But there are better ways of doing that. These are humans, and they’re young, and they’re scared. They are not textbook examples of suffering, they are actual examples of suffering. There’s a difference, and one demands empathy, not exploitation. Lord save us from well-intentioned people.
Anyway, the real reason I was there is that my AIDS group was performing a couple of songs. And they knocked it out of the freaking park. I was sitting there, and I was near tears. Not because the songs were sad. They weren’t. Because I had lived in this village for 3 days when I went to the second meeting that this group had ever had. I wrote about it in my blog, I remember. There was an air of finality, of morbid acceptance, that pervaded that room. I know I wrote about looking at one mama, with her face in her hands, and me thinking of Dorothea Lange and writing “life doesn’t work out for everybody, does it?” But here’s the thing: that woman’s name is Mama Dennis. And she’s pretty damn awesome.
I’m not sure what happened, but somewhere along the way these people, who had been brought together by a terrible epidemic, started really enjoying being together. And watching them sing and dance, remembering how they never used to speak above a whisper...I’ve never been so proud of anybody in my entire life. My best friend in the group told me the other day that she wanted to live until she was 50. I laughed at her, because she’s about 35. Until I remembered that she is living with HIV, and 50 is a hell of a goal. I hope, I pray, that she gets there. But she isn’t going to live forever, and neither am I. Yet until then, she is singing, with a clear and beautiful voice, about a disease that has found her but not stopped her, in the hope that others might be free of it forever. I love her. I love all of them. For them, and you, and the opportunity to live this life, I am thankful.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Ragamuffins
This blog is in memory of Anita Box. She taught me a lot, but mostly she taught me that being smart didn't mean you couldn't be exciting, and perhaps more important, excitable. Thank you teach. I'll miss you.
Was on my way into Dar one day last week, to see some very special people. Had to be there, left early to make sure I would be. Then, on the way, our bus hit a cow. Cow didn’t die. My timetable kind of did. We were udders-up for a while, but in the end I made it. It’s just always this stuff, the ridiculous and the unexpected, that gets me. I was in my friend Tala’s village making compost. And we had all the little kids out and gathering leaves. We thought we had enough leaves...until the little buggers started eating them. And you’re just never prepared for that. At no point when you are preparing yourself to leave your home and hearth, your country and your countrymen, in order to build a better world, do you think about what you’ll do when the kids start eating the compost leaves. It’s a gamechanger. And then the cow gets up and walks away. And you sort of think to yourself...”cow, you just made me late. I kind of want to eat you.” But then you remember, to err is human, to forgive bovine. (cue rimshot)
There’s a great example of the differences between our cultures, and I’ve been meaning to mention it forever. I was talking on Skype with my lovely lady one day, and she told me that I looked thinner. This very well might be the case, but either way, sweet of her to say. I came back to my village the next day, and all my villagers were very happy to see me. They said, “hongera! Umenenepa sana!” Which basically means, “Congratulations! You’ve swelled up like a balloon!”
See, in Tanzania, being fat is a symbol of prosperity, of wealth. In America, it is generally a symbol of laziness, I guess. But we are one of the first societies in history where the poor people are fatter than the rich people. And that’s actually pretty damn weird. Tanzanians think it’s crazy. They might be right. But they take the flattery to a bit of an extreme. I twisted my ankle one day playing frisbee. One of my villagers told me that I couldn’t walk because I had become admirably obese. Sweet lady. But the kicker was a few weeks ago. A village health worker told a friend of mine that she hadn’t recognize me, I was that fat. At which point a part of me just wants to go, “Really? Really? You really didn’t recognize me? You thought, perhaps, that another 6’2” white man, this one deliciously plump, had moved into the village, and everybody had forgotten to tell you? You thought that was what happened!?” This rant would then be followed by a swift flick to the very center of her forehead. But I do and say none of this. Why? Because I’m fat. And we are a jolly people.
Every time I walk into a classroom, the students are required to all stand up, and intone, (with varying levels of intensity, depending on the teacher, the temperature, and the time of day), “Elimu ni bahari, shikamoo mwalimu”. This means (as always, roughly), “education is the sea, we respect you teacher”. Each school has its own motto, most revolving around a central theme. I have seen all of the following: “elimu ni taa” (education is the light), “elimu ni unfunguo” (education is the key), “elimu ni kazi” (education is work), “elimu ni ukombozi” (education is salvation), and “elimu ni nanasi” (education is a pineapple). One of those is a lie. Well, actually, all of them might be lies. Which is my point.
Kiswahili has a ton of sayings like this. Not just about education. “Water is life”, “togetherness is strength”, “food is good” (made that last one up). Which, on one level, are true. And on another level, they are at best unnecessary and at worst plain stupid. I like writing. I like using similes and analogies and symbolism. If we all just said exactly what we mean...blogs would be shorter, I suppose...but subtlety and understanding would be in far shorter supply. The problem is that words are innocent little ragamuffins, and they can, against their will, be put to all sorts of daft, or even nefarious, purposes. Kwa mfano, for example, i.e., I really like this one baseball podcast. It’s smart, incisive, and often hilarious. But it is also sponsored by a company called RainEx, which makes wiper blades. The company’s tagline is “RainEx. It’s like weather never even happened.” Which is just a really stupid thing to hear somebody say out loud. As is “Travel should take you places” (Thank you, Hilton).
The ability to simplify is great, and necessary. The ability to oversimplify is dangerous. We see this in our candidates. Running our country is an immense task, incalculably complex. Infants are probably not up to the task. Yet that is the level of debate that we most often see. If the issues being debated are too complex for our understanding, why is that the fault of the debaters? Why would we want the person who is best at speaking Bumper Sticker? Education is learning, studying, expanding mental horizons, challenging your own prejudices, and a million other complex concepts. It isn’t the sea (that’s the big blue wet thing), a key (which opens stuff), or a pineapple (which tastes like sunshine).
October 29, 2008, I sent in my application to the US Peace Corps (the Phillies also won the World Series). October 29, 2011, I woke up before dawn in the middle of Tanzania. I packed my bag, walked 6 miles to the next village, and got on a bus to go get my family. There’s a Kiswahili song I love. It says, “milima haikutani, bali watu hukutana”. It means that mountains can’t meet with one another, but people can. In just a few hours, my two separate lives came together. Little bit like having your parents meet your girlfriend. Except that it’s really having your parents meet your entire other life. The mountains stayed where they’ve always been. But my father ate ugali with my best friend, my sister spoke to church leaders born 7,000 miles from her home, and my mother made Tanzanian children laugh, by pretending to be a lion. In a small village in East Africa, there’s a beautifully painted wall, with lions, and elephants, and a long-necked giraffe. And the next time a kid asks, “chui ni nini?” (what is a leopard?), the teacher will take him or her outside and show him the handsome cat lounging on a tree branch. And then they’ll know.
It’s easier than you might believe to be cynical here. We have so very far left to go. Yet if you climb the mountain and look at where we started...we have come so very far. Some steps are larger than others. Roads bring people closer to global markets, health clinics keep children alive. But the path that will unite us is long and unfinished, and not all the paving stones need be enormous. My mother can’t stop malaria, and she can’t draw water from stone. But she managed to paint a mural with three family members, a gifted, dedicated teacher, and 35 primary school students. Clinics don’t tell stories, and wells can’t make anybody laugh. We’re in the business of development. Not development of things, but of peoples. Making each other laugh, bringing color to a bare wall, bringing happiness, even for a moment, is not insignificant. Development is hard, slow going. But we’re a little closer today than we were the day before.
Was on my way into Dar one day last week, to see some very special people. Had to be there, left early to make sure I would be. Then, on the way, our bus hit a cow. Cow didn’t die. My timetable kind of did. We were udders-up for a while, but in the end I made it. It’s just always this stuff, the ridiculous and the unexpected, that gets me. I was in my friend Tala’s village making compost. And we had all the little kids out and gathering leaves. We thought we had enough leaves...until the little buggers started eating them. And you’re just never prepared for that. At no point when you are preparing yourself to leave your home and hearth, your country and your countrymen, in order to build a better world, do you think about what you’ll do when the kids start eating the compost leaves. It’s a gamechanger. And then the cow gets up and walks away. And you sort of think to yourself...”cow, you just made me late. I kind of want to eat you.” But then you remember, to err is human, to forgive bovine. (cue rimshot)
There’s a great example of the differences between our cultures, and I’ve been meaning to mention it forever. I was talking on Skype with my lovely lady one day, and she told me that I looked thinner. This very well might be the case, but either way, sweet of her to say. I came back to my village the next day, and all my villagers were very happy to see me. They said, “hongera! Umenenepa sana!” Which basically means, “Congratulations! You’ve swelled up like a balloon!”
See, in Tanzania, being fat is a symbol of prosperity, of wealth. In America, it is generally a symbol of laziness, I guess. But we are one of the first societies in history where the poor people are fatter than the rich people. And that’s actually pretty damn weird. Tanzanians think it’s crazy. They might be right. But they take the flattery to a bit of an extreme. I twisted my ankle one day playing frisbee. One of my villagers told me that I couldn’t walk because I had become admirably obese. Sweet lady. But the kicker was a few weeks ago. A village health worker told a friend of mine that she hadn’t recognize me, I was that fat. At which point a part of me just wants to go, “Really? Really? You really didn’t recognize me? You thought, perhaps, that another 6’2” white man, this one deliciously plump, had moved into the village, and everybody had forgotten to tell you? You thought that was what happened!?” This rant would then be followed by a swift flick to the very center of her forehead. But I do and say none of this. Why? Because I’m fat. And we are a jolly people.
Every time I walk into a classroom, the students are required to all stand up, and intone, (with varying levels of intensity, depending on the teacher, the temperature, and the time of day), “Elimu ni bahari, shikamoo mwalimu”. This means (as always, roughly), “education is the sea, we respect you teacher”. Each school has its own motto, most revolving around a central theme. I have seen all of the following: “elimu ni taa” (education is the light), “elimu ni unfunguo” (education is the key), “elimu ni kazi” (education is work), “elimu ni ukombozi” (education is salvation), and “elimu ni nanasi” (education is a pineapple). One of those is a lie. Well, actually, all of them might be lies. Which is my point.
Kiswahili has a ton of sayings like this. Not just about education. “Water is life”, “togetherness is strength”, “food is good” (made that last one up). Which, on one level, are true. And on another level, they are at best unnecessary and at worst plain stupid. I like writing. I like using similes and analogies and symbolism. If we all just said exactly what we mean...blogs would be shorter, I suppose...but subtlety and understanding would be in far shorter supply. The problem is that words are innocent little ragamuffins, and they can, against their will, be put to all sorts of daft, or even nefarious, purposes. Kwa mfano, for example, i.e., I really like this one baseball podcast. It’s smart, incisive, and often hilarious. But it is also sponsored by a company called RainEx, which makes wiper blades. The company’s tagline is “RainEx. It’s like weather never even happened.” Which is just a really stupid thing to hear somebody say out loud. As is “Travel should take you places” (Thank you, Hilton).
The ability to simplify is great, and necessary. The ability to oversimplify is dangerous. We see this in our candidates. Running our country is an immense task, incalculably complex. Infants are probably not up to the task. Yet that is the level of debate that we most often see. If the issues being debated are too complex for our understanding, why is that the fault of the debaters? Why would we want the person who is best at speaking Bumper Sticker? Education is learning, studying, expanding mental horizons, challenging your own prejudices, and a million other complex concepts. It isn’t the sea (that’s the big blue wet thing), a key (which opens stuff), or a pineapple (which tastes like sunshine).
October 29, 2008, I sent in my application to the US Peace Corps (the Phillies also won the World Series). October 29, 2011, I woke up before dawn in the middle of Tanzania. I packed my bag, walked 6 miles to the next village, and got on a bus to go get my family. There’s a Kiswahili song I love. It says, “milima haikutani, bali watu hukutana”. It means that mountains can’t meet with one another, but people can. In just a few hours, my two separate lives came together. Little bit like having your parents meet your girlfriend. Except that it’s really having your parents meet your entire other life. The mountains stayed where they’ve always been. But my father ate ugali with my best friend, my sister spoke to church leaders born 7,000 miles from her home, and my mother made Tanzanian children laugh, by pretending to be a lion. In a small village in East Africa, there’s a beautifully painted wall, with lions, and elephants, and a long-necked giraffe. And the next time a kid asks, “chui ni nini?” (what is a leopard?), the teacher will take him or her outside and show him the handsome cat lounging on a tree branch. And then they’ll know.
It’s easier than you might believe to be cynical here. We have so very far left to go. Yet if you climb the mountain and look at where we started...we have come so very far. Some steps are larger than others. Roads bring people closer to global markets, health clinics keep children alive. But the path that will unite us is long and unfinished, and not all the paving stones need be enormous. My mother can’t stop malaria, and she can’t draw water from stone. But she managed to paint a mural with three family members, a gifted, dedicated teacher, and 35 primary school students. Clinics don’t tell stories, and wells can’t make anybody laugh. We’re in the business of development. Not development of things, but of peoples. Making each other laugh, bringing color to a bare wall, bringing happiness, even for a moment, is not insignificant. Development is hard, slow going. But we’re a little closer today than we were the day before.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Ambapo Pana Moshi, Pana Moto
“Ambapo” means “where”, “pana” means “there is”, “moshi” means “smoke”, and “moto” means “fire”.
I wanted this particular job for a lot of reasons. Travel, service, knowledge. But I’d be lying if I told you that a big reason I wanted to join the Peace Corps wasn’t because of adventures. I wanted them. I’ve gotten them. This is the story of one of them.
We were building pigpens (that’s how all good stories start). It was about 3pm, the afternoon of a hot dry day, at the tail end of a string of hot, dry days. Everything in my village was brown, and will be for a few more weeks, until the rains start. We were building pigpens. When I say we, I mean my AIDS group, along with the two carpenters donating their time to help out the community. We were just about to finish Pigpen #8. Then the village chairman (my boss, a human shark lookalike, and just generally one of the greatest badasses I’ve ever met) comes by with some news. There’s a fire. And we’ve got to put it out. Me, two carpenters, and 8 HIV-positive women look at each other for a moment. Then we put down our tools and start walkin.
It’s a good 3 kilometers from where we were building the pigpens to fire. In those 3K most of my friends from the pigpen group fall back a little ways. While the chairman told us that everybody was going out, this seems to be more on the male side of the work spectrum. I fall in with an older babu (grandfather) that I know pretty well. He sells fish in the small village market. I ask him whether or not we are going to pick up some buckets for water. He laughs at me. I’m a little taken aback. Was just askin, after all. He says something about branches. I don’t get it. I will later.
The sky has seemed hazy for a while now, but I don’t get a real good idea of the fire until we come over a ridgeline...and it’s smoke. Everywhere. And we’re still a ways from the fire. But this is clearly not some lark. This fire can, and probably is, taking out farms, tree nurseries, maybe even houses. I found out later that it came right through where our beehives had been hung up (luckily they were hung with wire). This fire is the real deal. I’m not really sure whether or not I’m supposed to be nervous about this. I just keep walking. I hear something that sounds like a wrapper being crinkled. The wrapper gradually starts to sound bigger and bigger. All of a sudden, we’re there. Somebody is cooking with gas. Flames are all in front of us, and white smoke is billowing over our heads. I’m suddenly conscious of just how little water there is in my immediate reality. It feels like I’m standing on a hay bale while playing with matches. But second thoughts would have been more useful first. The babu stops in fronts of me, grabs his machete, and cuts down two 4’ branches, leaves and all. He hands one to me, keeps the other himself, and heads on in. I pull my bandana out of my pocket, tie it over my mouth and nose, grab my branch (not that I know what it’s for yet), and walk into a forest fire.
It’s hot, and I can’t breathe. The babu ahead of me is beating something with his branch. I get it. We’re going to beat this fire, like the proverbial red-headed stepchild. Real men fight fire with sticks. Of course, at some point all your leaves burn off and the stick catches on fire, but that’s what you bring the machete for: to cut a new fire extinguisher off of the nearest tree. This is simple. This is brilliant. I wish I’d invented the stick.
Couple of problems though. This fire is not small, everything is absurdly dry, and the wind is blowing at full force today. I see flames get as high as 10 feet (pretty high in grasslands), and more than once I see flames just roast an adult tree in a matter of seconds. Obviously running head on into an inferno isn’t going to work here. Me and the babu seem to have been given the left flank. Of course, that means that the wind is blowing straight at us. And so is the fire. We look at it for a second. The wind gusts. The fire jumps. We run away. The wind dies down. We cautiously return. If we wait much longer the fire is going to enter a pretty thick stand of trees, and we’re going to have a hell of time. Perhaps it would be best to do the thing.
Somehow or other, we get started. It feels sort of like charging the battlements of some tiny, hot castle. I start just beating the ground with my branch, trying to put out all the sparks, stamping on embers. Then it gets too hot, or the wind picks up, or enough smoke enters my lungs that I turn away for a few seconds, try to remember where I am, and start over. It basically works like this, we put out a spot and then move along the flanks of the fire, putting it out in a straight line, moving from side to side. The area that’s already has been burned holds no real danger, so the actual fire is only a few feet deep. Me and the babu leapfrog each other, occasionally cutting down a new branch. Then we have to double back, because of course we missed some sparks. Then something on fire is on my arm, and then it’s off. Then the wind picks up for a minute, and a 5 year-old pine tree goes up like a bonfire. Some part of me becomes aware that this is not a part of my normal routine. Then it’s back in again.
I literally have no idea how long me and the babu were beating out the fire. It might have been an hour. It might have been half that. I know at one point I was yelling at the babu that we would drink free pombe (booze) tonight. I also know that my eyes were tearing and my nose was running the entire time, so badly that my bandana clogged up and for a moment I couldn’t breathe. At some point babu gave me the machete. At some point I realized that I could hear a lot less crackling, and that I’d been doing this for a while. It was around then that I realized that most of my clothes had been covered in black.
Babu leads us down into a little gorge. There are a few sparks to be put out here. We knock ‘em out with our fire-whackers. Then...it’s over. Babu just turns around and walks back up the hill. I’m not really sure what to do, or where to go. I do know that I’ve got a rock concert’s worth of adrenaline still kicking, and that I’m barely able to breathe through my bandana. I pull it down around my neck, and start walking up after my old man, the fishmonger.
What follows next is one of those moments I hope I never get old enough to forget. I come back up out of the gorge, and see that the fire is out, hopefully completely, on all sides. I walk a little farther, following my guy, and then I see, a little ways ahead, my boss. The chairman. There’s other people standing behind him, and a bunch of them clearly did not know that I was in there, because they gasp (hot crowd. Get it?). But the chairman doesn’t gasp. Doesn’t make a sound. Far too much of a badass for any of that. I realize how I must look to him: grimy, blackened, holding a machete in one hand and a burned-out branch in the other, bandana hanging round my neck, walking out of the smoke. All he does is grin, in the most wonderful sort of way. This is the man that picked me up on my very first day, that watched me butt my head against so many walls, that was there to advise me and correct me, that has seen some of what I’ve tried to to begin, ever so slowly, to catch hold. And in that moment, in that little, tiny, half-smirk of a grin...I see he’s proud of me.
I walk up to him. He says, “Kazi”. That means, “work”. I reply, “tuko hai”.
That means, “we’re alive”.
I wanted this particular job for a lot of reasons. Travel, service, knowledge. But I’d be lying if I told you that a big reason I wanted to join the Peace Corps wasn’t because of adventures. I wanted them. I’ve gotten them. This is the story of one of them.
We were building pigpens (that’s how all good stories start). It was about 3pm, the afternoon of a hot dry day, at the tail end of a string of hot, dry days. Everything in my village was brown, and will be for a few more weeks, until the rains start. We were building pigpens. When I say we, I mean my AIDS group, along with the two carpenters donating their time to help out the community. We were just about to finish Pigpen #8. Then the village chairman (my boss, a human shark lookalike, and just generally one of the greatest badasses I’ve ever met) comes by with some news. There’s a fire. And we’ve got to put it out. Me, two carpenters, and 8 HIV-positive women look at each other for a moment. Then we put down our tools and start walkin.
It’s a good 3 kilometers from where we were building the pigpens to fire. In those 3K most of my friends from the pigpen group fall back a little ways. While the chairman told us that everybody was going out, this seems to be more on the male side of the work spectrum. I fall in with an older babu (grandfather) that I know pretty well. He sells fish in the small village market. I ask him whether or not we are going to pick up some buckets for water. He laughs at me. I’m a little taken aback. Was just askin, after all. He says something about branches. I don’t get it. I will later.
The sky has seemed hazy for a while now, but I don’t get a real good idea of the fire until we come over a ridgeline...and it’s smoke. Everywhere. And we’re still a ways from the fire. But this is clearly not some lark. This fire can, and probably is, taking out farms, tree nurseries, maybe even houses. I found out later that it came right through where our beehives had been hung up (luckily they were hung with wire). This fire is the real deal. I’m not really sure whether or not I’m supposed to be nervous about this. I just keep walking. I hear something that sounds like a wrapper being crinkled. The wrapper gradually starts to sound bigger and bigger. All of a sudden, we’re there. Somebody is cooking with gas. Flames are all in front of us, and white smoke is billowing over our heads. I’m suddenly conscious of just how little water there is in my immediate reality. It feels like I’m standing on a hay bale while playing with matches. But second thoughts would have been more useful first. The babu stops in fronts of me, grabs his machete, and cuts down two 4’ branches, leaves and all. He hands one to me, keeps the other himself, and heads on in. I pull my bandana out of my pocket, tie it over my mouth and nose, grab my branch (not that I know what it’s for yet), and walk into a forest fire.
It’s hot, and I can’t breathe. The babu ahead of me is beating something with his branch. I get it. We’re going to beat this fire, like the proverbial red-headed stepchild. Real men fight fire with sticks. Of course, at some point all your leaves burn off and the stick catches on fire, but that’s what you bring the machete for: to cut a new fire extinguisher off of the nearest tree. This is simple. This is brilliant. I wish I’d invented the stick.
Couple of problems though. This fire is not small, everything is absurdly dry, and the wind is blowing at full force today. I see flames get as high as 10 feet (pretty high in grasslands), and more than once I see flames just roast an adult tree in a matter of seconds. Obviously running head on into an inferno isn’t going to work here. Me and the babu seem to have been given the left flank. Of course, that means that the wind is blowing straight at us. And so is the fire. We look at it for a second. The wind gusts. The fire jumps. We run away. The wind dies down. We cautiously return. If we wait much longer the fire is going to enter a pretty thick stand of trees, and we’re going to have a hell of time. Perhaps it would be best to do the thing.
Somehow or other, we get started. It feels sort of like charging the battlements of some tiny, hot castle. I start just beating the ground with my branch, trying to put out all the sparks, stamping on embers. Then it gets too hot, or the wind picks up, or enough smoke enters my lungs that I turn away for a few seconds, try to remember where I am, and start over. It basically works like this, we put out a spot and then move along the flanks of the fire, putting it out in a straight line, moving from side to side. The area that’s already has been burned holds no real danger, so the actual fire is only a few feet deep. Me and the babu leapfrog each other, occasionally cutting down a new branch. Then we have to double back, because of course we missed some sparks. Then something on fire is on my arm, and then it’s off. Then the wind picks up for a minute, and a 5 year-old pine tree goes up like a bonfire. Some part of me becomes aware that this is not a part of my normal routine. Then it’s back in again.
I literally have no idea how long me and the babu were beating out the fire. It might have been an hour. It might have been half that. I know at one point I was yelling at the babu that we would drink free pombe (booze) tonight. I also know that my eyes were tearing and my nose was running the entire time, so badly that my bandana clogged up and for a moment I couldn’t breathe. At some point babu gave me the machete. At some point I realized that I could hear a lot less crackling, and that I’d been doing this for a while. It was around then that I realized that most of my clothes had been covered in black.
Babu leads us down into a little gorge. There are a few sparks to be put out here. We knock ‘em out with our fire-whackers. Then...it’s over. Babu just turns around and walks back up the hill. I’m not really sure what to do, or where to go. I do know that I’ve got a rock concert’s worth of adrenaline still kicking, and that I’m barely able to breathe through my bandana. I pull it down around my neck, and start walking up after my old man, the fishmonger.
What follows next is one of those moments I hope I never get old enough to forget. I come back up out of the gorge, and see that the fire is out, hopefully completely, on all sides. I walk a little farther, following my guy, and then I see, a little ways ahead, my boss. The chairman. There’s other people standing behind him, and a bunch of them clearly did not know that I was in there, because they gasp (hot crowd. Get it?). But the chairman doesn’t gasp. Doesn’t make a sound. Far too much of a badass for any of that. I realize how I must look to him: grimy, blackened, holding a machete in one hand and a burned-out branch in the other, bandana hanging round my neck, walking out of the smoke. All he does is grin, in the most wonderful sort of way. This is the man that picked me up on my very first day, that watched me butt my head against so many walls, that was there to advise me and correct me, that has seen some of what I’ve tried to to begin, ever so slowly, to catch hold. And in that moment, in that little, tiny, half-smirk of a grin...I see he’s proud of me.
I walk up to him. He says, “Kazi”. That means, “work”. I reply, “tuko hai”.
That means, “we’re alive”.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Sisi Wote ni Wamarekani
Welcome back, sports fans. Just another month in our hobbled blogger’s (having some minor foot problems, but they did let me use the phrase ‘hobbled blogger’) existence. I’m currently in Dar Es Salaam to design the training curriculum for the next group of volunteers on their way to this fair country. Because, after 15 months, I am apparently expected to know what the hell I’m talking about. And in 10 months, I’m expected to be gone.
However, in the meanwhile, nipo (I’m here). I had the unusual experience in the last month to attend two different dowry-paying parties. While I’m sure most of you require no explanation, a dowry is the price that a prospective groom (or more likely, his parents) pays to the bride’s family, in order to buy her away from them. Let’s set the obvious criticism of this practice, that it’s really not a great idea to sell women, aside for the moment. Because the ceremonies themselves were pretty interesting. For one party, I was invited on behalf of the groom (I know his uncle very well). For another party, I was invited by the mother of the bride. When we are going to the party on the groom’s side, we say we call it “paying the dowry”. When we’re throwing the party at the bride’s house, we call it a “Send-Off”. Works like this: anywhere from 3 months to 3 years ago, the respective parties have met and negotiated the dowry to be paid. Anything is on the table, even the table. By which I mean you can pay in livestock, cash, shovels, sheets, buckets, furniture, and probably other, more ridiculous stuff. First negotiation takes place in a 10’x14’ room, with approximately 30 people. They pay up about $400, couple of shovels, 2 cows, and a goat. Only problem is that they agreed on 4 cows. Shida, ipo (there is a problem). There is a flurry of negotiation (present is a representative of the village government, as well as a negotiator for each side (not a direct family member of bride or groom)). It is finally agreed that the remaining two cows must be paid within one year. The deal is sealed. And then everybody starts screaming. So that’s fun.
We go outside, we dance a really fun dance called the “dua”, which is a lot of stomping. I’m a big fan. We eat (always must eat). We dance some more. And then I get some of the more delicate background on the dowries. For instance, if the bride dies before there are kids, or (in rare cases) divorces him...yeah, they’re gonna want that cash back. And those cows. But if the husband dies, and there is still an outstanding balance on the dowry...they gotta pay that...or he doesn’t get buried. I’ve actually been around for one of those days. We sat around for 4 hours after we dug a hole, just waiting for someone to put into it.
The second negotiation is more about me than it was about them. I got invited to a party at 8am. I teach class at 2pm, and I need to leave by 1:30. No problem, right? Of course there’s a problem. But I stubbornly think that I can make this work. I show up, help set up, learn how to cook pilau (an indian spiced rice, pretty tasty). I sit around, talking shop with some friends. And then the negotiations start. Small problem here is that there were 2 cows agreed on. And they only have one...and a half. Which is how they say it. They actually have some cash that they scraped up, because they have no cow. There’s a lot of fighting over this. They promise to pay at the end of the month. Course, that’s what they said last month (if this sounds like a discussion you’ve had with your landlord, then yeah, that’s about right). Lots of posturing, lots of yelling. Then suddenly we agree, and start stomping around again. But it’s now 1pm. And because I’ve been invited by the send-off side, I’m supposed to participate in the ceremony. Never mind that I’ve never met the girl in my life, somehow I’m the guest of honor. Two things to do there: 1. Call the school and tell them I can’t teach today (this is not a big deal in Tanzania) or 2. Leave the party right now and risk offending my villagers. What do I do? Neither, and both, and nothing well. I stay long enough in a side room for them to fill me up with rice and potatoes and onions and tomatoes. I make some small talk. Then I bolt like hell out of the party at 2pm, ignoring the questioning looks (they don’t think I’ve eaten yet. What kind of a batshit crazy madman leaves a place without eating?) I get to the school at 2:20pm. They say I can’t teach. I fume. Still can’t teach. Ask to address the assembly and to meet shortly with my students. They say sure. Where’s the assembly? Oh, it’s over, there go the students now. And so once again I left one party too early to get to another party too late. I did this in a misguided belief that I could please everybody. I managed to please nobody. Some lessons keep unlearning themselves in my mind.
On to cheerier stories. Couple fun anecdotes of Africa. Went to a beach while I was in Dar. There was a public bathroom, and when I entered it, I noticed a sign. It was asking us not to throw our sanitary napkins into the toilet. Perfectly reasonable request. But why should we not do this? “To preserve the natural harmony of the septic tank”. Which is possibly the greatest use of the English language of all time, anywhere.
Sitting at my table in my house, having a meeting with a church leader. On my table are a number of knicknacks and paddywacks, including a very special item from home. It’s a snake, his body is made out of a bike chain and his head is a bottle opener. He also has a short, maybe 1” tongue. And apparently my buddy, the church leader, was dealing with some wax buildup. Because in mid-conversation, he reaches down, picks up my snake bottle-opener...and inserts it into his ear. I do not know, I can not possibly remember another word that was said in that meeting. It is lost for all time. In one ear....and out the other.
A different meeting, a different church leader. Little background: in February, my darling mother was nice enough to send me the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. I’m not sure this was such a good idea. It was like giving a thirsty man just a straw. Anywho, back to the meeting. My table has some knots in it, so when we set out to make a schedule for the upcoming weeks, the church secretary reaches under my table to the shelf, in search of something to write on. He picks up something and places it on the table. Looking up at us is the Green M&M. She’s crawling on a beach, looking sultry. This is the back cover. The front cover, if exposed during this meeting, might get me excommunicated (or it might make all the church leaders want to emigrate to America. Either way, bad news). Again, there was a schedule made. Again, I do not remember one thing we talked about. The second he lifted up the paper, I grabbed the magazine, hid it under the table, and later took it outside the house and buried it under 6’ of dirt. Maybe not that last part. Should have, though.
Two final items, both a little serious. I was at a meeting with the district government to present our upcoming milk-cow project. They were receptive and helpful...as long as we didn’t ask for any material assistance, and as long as we did everything they told us to. Since we needed some material assistance, and we wanted trainers to come to our villages who were outside the government structure, there was a bit of conflict. That, in and of itself, was not even a little surprising. There was some posturing and some compromising, and then stuff got done. What was remarkable was that there were 7 people in the meeting: Myself, my counterpart, Kenzie (my nearest Peace Corps neighbor), her counterpart, and three district livestock officers. And there were two sides in the meeting: Us, and them. But when I say us, I don’t mean just Peace Corps, white people, outsiders. I mean the village against the district. The people on the ground versus the bureaucrats. Two Tanzanians and two Americans trying to make change happen, together. It was a wonderful realization, when I looked back on it later, that here is this village, with these people, who trust me, in their own way, to have their best interests in mind, even more so than their government. Humbling, but pretty freaking awesome.
I was in church two Sundays ago. It was a peculiar morning, giving that it was September 11th. I just wasn’t entirely certain how I felt, or how I was supposed to feel. It’s everywhere. It’s in things I never even think about. It’s in friends we’ve lost, that day or in the days that followed. It’s in our music, our movies, our books. So I go to church. And this is the day the Italian padre decides to join us. And he sees me, and he always calls me out when he does. It’s not a bad thing, he just likes to single me out for the congregation. I privately hate it. Today he says that we should say a prayer, because ten years ago today the American people began “tabia ya kuogopa”. It means “a behavior of being afraid”. And I may not like the man. But he was probably right. I sat down that night to write in my journal. And I tried to figure out a way that the world had responded well, a way that things had, by the strangest path imaginable, gotten better. I remembered that the September 12th edition of Le Monde had the headline “Nous sommes tous Américains”.
“We are all Americans”
"Sisi Wote ni Wamarekani"
But they don’t write that anymore, do they? I couldn’t think of something, I couldn’t find a silver lining. Probably because there isn’t one. I’m not a believer that things happen for a reason. I think sometimes awful things happen in our lives. And maybe the kindness and dignity and bravery shown that day was a way in which we could compare all the goodness we are capable of with the evil we’d been forced to confront. But even if that’s true...it’s a comparison we all could have done without, isn't it? I wish it had never happened. Yet wishes aren’t horses, and I can’t ride. We live with the world we live in. We do the best we can. We roll with the punches. And whatever happens next, we'll deal with that too.
However, in the meanwhile, nipo (I’m here). I had the unusual experience in the last month to attend two different dowry-paying parties. While I’m sure most of you require no explanation, a dowry is the price that a prospective groom (or more likely, his parents) pays to the bride’s family, in order to buy her away from them. Let’s set the obvious criticism of this practice, that it’s really not a great idea to sell women, aside for the moment. Because the ceremonies themselves were pretty interesting. For one party, I was invited on behalf of the groom (I know his uncle very well). For another party, I was invited by the mother of the bride. When we are going to the party on the groom’s side, we say we call it “paying the dowry”. When we’re throwing the party at the bride’s house, we call it a “Send-Off”. Works like this: anywhere from 3 months to 3 years ago, the respective parties have met and negotiated the dowry to be paid. Anything is on the table, even the table. By which I mean you can pay in livestock, cash, shovels, sheets, buckets, furniture, and probably other, more ridiculous stuff. First negotiation takes place in a 10’x14’ room, with approximately 30 people. They pay up about $400, couple of shovels, 2 cows, and a goat. Only problem is that they agreed on 4 cows. Shida, ipo (there is a problem). There is a flurry of negotiation (present is a representative of the village government, as well as a negotiator for each side (not a direct family member of bride or groom)). It is finally agreed that the remaining two cows must be paid within one year. The deal is sealed. And then everybody starts screaming. So that’s fun.
We go outside, we dance a really fun dance called the “dua”, which is a lot of stomping. I’m a big fan. We eat (always must eat). We dance some more. And then I get some of the more delicate background on the dowries. For instance, if the bride dies before there are kids, or (in rare cases) divorces him...yeah, they’re gonna want that cash back. And those cows. But if the husband dies, and there is still an outstanding balance on the dowry...they gotta pay that...or he doesn’t get buried. I’ve actually been around for one of those days. We sat around for 4 hours after we dug a hole, just waiting for someone to put into it.
The second negotiation is more about me than it was about them. I got invited to a party at 8am. I teach class at 2pm, and I need to leave by 1:30. No problem, right? Of course there’s a problem. But I stubbornly think that I can make this work. I show up, help set up, learn how to cook pilau (an indian spiced rice, pretty tasty). I sit around, talking shop with some friends. And then the negotiations start. Small problem here is that there were 2 cows agreed on. And they only have one...and a half. Which is how they say it. They actually have some cash that they scraped up, because they have no cow. There’s a lot of fighting over this. They promise to pay at the end of the month. Course, that’s what they said last month (if this sounds like a discussion you’ve had with your landlord, then yeah, that’s about right). Lots of posturing, lots of yelling. Then suddenly we agree, and start stomping around again. But it’s now 1pm. And because I’ve been invited by the send-off side, I’m supposed to participate in the ceremony. Never mind that I’ve never met the girl in my life, somehow I’m the guest of honor. Two things to do there: 1. Call the school and tell them I can’t teach today (this is not a big deal in Tanzania) or 2. Leave the party right now and risk offending my villagers. What do I do? Neither, and both, and nothing well. I stay long enough in a side room for them to fill me up with rice and potatoes and onions and tomatoes. I make some small talk. Then I bolt like hell out of the party at 2pm, ignoring the questioning looks (they don’t think I’ve eaten yet. What kind of a batshit crazy madman leaves a place without eating?) I get to the school at 2:20pm. They say I can’t teach. I fume. Still can’t teach. Ask to address the assembly and to meet shortly with my students. They say sure. Where’s the assembly? Oh, it’s over, there go the students now. And so once again I left one party too early to get to another party too late. I did this in a misguided belief that I could please everybody. I managed to please nobody. Some lessons keep unlearning themselves in my mind.
On to cheerier stories. Couple fun anecdotes of Africa. Went to a beach while I was in Dar. There was a public bathroom, and when I entered it, I noticed a sign. It was asking us not to throw our sanitary napkins into the toilet. Perfectly reasonable request. But why should we not do this? “To preserve the natural harmony of the septic tank”. Which is possibly the greatest use of the English language of all time, anywhere.
Sitting at my table in my house, having a meeting with a church leader. On my table are a number of knicknacks and paddywacks, including a very special item from home. It’s a snake, his body is made out of a bike chain and his head is a bottle opener. He also has a short, maybe 1” tongue. And apparently my buddy, the church leader, was dealing with some wax buildup. Because in mid-conversation, he reaches down, picks up my snake bottle-opener...and inserts it into his ear. I do not know, I can not possibly remember another word that was said in that meeting. It is lost for all time. In one ear....and out the other.
A different meeting, a different church leader. Little background: in February, my darling mother was nice enough to send me the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. I’m not sure this was such a good idea. It was like giving a thirsty man just a straw. Anywho, back to the meeting. My table has some knots in it, so when we set out to make a schedule for the upcoming weeks, the church secretary reaches under my table to the shelf, in search of something to write on. He picks up something and places it on the table. Looking up at us is the Green M&M. She’s crawling on a beach, looking sultry. This is the back cover. The front cover, if exposed during this meeting, might get me excommunicated (or it might make all the church leaders want to emigrate to America. Either way, bad news). Again, there was a schedule made. Again, I do not remember one thing we talked about. The second he lifted up the paper, I grabbed the magazine, hid it under the table, and later took it outside the house and buried it under 6’ of dirt. Maybe not that last part. Should have, though.
Two final items, both a little serious. I was at a meeting with the district government to present our upcoming milk-cow project. They were receptive and helpful...as long as we didn’t ask for any material assistance, and as long as we did everything they told us to. Since we needed some material assistance, and we wanted trainers to come to our villages who were outside the government structure, there was a bit of conflict. That, in and of itself, was not even a little surprising. There was some posturing and some compromising, and then stuff got done. What was remarkable was that there were 7 people in the meeting: Myself, my counterpart, Kenzie (my nearest Peace Corps neighbor), her counterpart, and three district livestock officers. And there were two sides in the meeting: Us, and them. But when I say us, I don’t mean just Peace Corps, white people, outsiders. I mean the village against the district. The people on the ground versus the bureaucrats. Two Tanzanians and two Americans trying to make change happen, together. It was a wonderful realization, when I looked back on it later, that here is this village, with these people, who trust me, in their own way, to have their best interests in mind, even more so than their government. Humbling, but pretty freaking awesome.
I was in church two Sundays ago. It was a peculiar morning, giving that it was September 11th. I just wasn’t entirely certain how I felt, or how I was supposed to feel. It’s everywhere. It’s in things I never even think about. It’s in friends we’ve lost, that day or in the days that followed. It’s in our music, our movies, our books. So I go to church. And this is the day the Italian padre decides to join us. And he sees me, and he always calls me out when he does. It’s not a bad thing, he just likes to single me out for the congregation. I privately hate it. Today he says that we should say a prayer, because ten years ago today the American people began “tabia ya kuogopa”. It means “a behavior of being afraid”. And I may not like the man. But he was probably right. I sat down that night to write in my journal. And I tried to figure out a way that the world had responded well, a way that things had, by the strangest path imaginable, gotten better. I remembered that the September 12th edition of Le Monde had the headline “Nous sommes tous Américains”.
“We are all Americans”
"Sisi Wote ni Wamarekani"
But they don’t write that anymore, do they? I couldn’t think of something, I couldn’t find a silver lining. Probably because there isn’t one. I’m not a believer that things happen for a reason. I think sometimes awful things happen in our lives. And maybe the kindness and dignity and bravery shown that day was a way in which we could compare all the goodness we are capable of with the evil we’d been forced to confront. But even if that’s true...it’s a comparison we all could have done without, isn't it? I wish it had never happened. Yet wishes aren’t horses, and I can’t ride. We live with the world we live in. We do the best we can. We roll with the punches. And whatever happens next, we'll deal with that too.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Siku Mbaya
I know I put up a post not all that long ago. However, I wrote that post a few weeks ago...and a few days later...I had a bad day. How bad a day? Let’s begin at the beginning, transported, as it were, by the magic of imagination...
I am in Iringa, my banking town. It is Saturday. I am headed to Dar Es Salaam, the largest city in country, Sunday morning. My ticket is for 6am, on an overcrowded bus through the mountains. Why 6am, you ask? Because it was cheaper. And while my friends and I were planning on going out...I guess I planned on sleeping on the bus. Which I did. Just not on the bus I planned. Here we go.
In Iringa there is a large rock. I believe it’s called Gongilanga...we call it Pride Rock...and every time we go up there we mock and scorn the first mshamba (redneck) to shout out, “one day son, all of this will be yours”. If there is a more beautiful place to watch the sunset, I’ve never seen it. On Saturday we went up there around 6pm or so, had a nice hike, watched the sunset, and came back down. Thus began what was really a wonderful night. We stopped by a bar on the way back down the hill to have a quick drink. I should mention at this point that I was out with my friends from my region, who were all in town for a final meeting to close out our Girls Conference. There were also a bunch of new volunteers in town who had not yet sworn in and who had just finished a one-week shadow. We get to catch up like this maybe every other month or so, and it’s always great to see a lot of people after weeks in the village living by ourselves.
We all went out to dinner that night, which in and of itself is always an adventure. Most Tanzanian restaurants only pack one or two ovens...charcoal ovens. So when we show up en masse, like a dozen or so, our food sometimes takes about two hours to arrive. This is not a huge problem, as the place has a balcony that overlooks Iringa. It is one of the only mzungu (white person) places in town, so it usually attracts an interesting crowd. That night we met a bunch of English women in town for a month or two to work at an orphanage. I also played my first few games of Tanzanian 8-ball (you get two shots after scratching...weird), lost 2 and won 2. Food arrived, we ate, we laughed, and we left...to go dancing.
Discos. Fun places. Places of joy, loud music, moving lights...and prostitutes. Can’t speak for their primary talents, but I’ve watched them on the dance floor. Wanaweza (they can bring it). The disco is always an interesting scene. Nobody is too impressed by me, but when the female volunteers show up, there’s always a stir. I end up doing a lot of pass-blocking for my friends (gotta watch the blind sides). But tonight the crowd is fairly tame, and there are a whole lot of us, which is always more fun. The DJ also plays a lot of American music, for which we are eternally grateful. Another volunteer and I try a swing-dance lift...she hits the deck. We try again...no luck. Third time’s the charm...and she’s up!
We stay till about two in the morning, and then we go to get some food...and things take a turn. There is a Tanzanian cafeteria open 24/7 (civilization has arrived!), and we are able to get some rice and beans. And as we are sitting at the table, thanking Mungu (God) for late night food, one of my friends has a bright little idea. The next time he has a bright little idea, I’m going to beat him over the head with a fimbo (stick), strap him to a kitanda (bed), and gag him with a parachichi (avocado). But tonight he’s got an idea. And he’s going to convince all of us of it.
Back to the rock.
This, in and of itself, is a horrible idea. It is 2am. It is cold. And the rock is on top of a mountain. Mountains are high. There is a road, but it’s awful, and cars can’t make it that far up. To add injury to insult, a strange thing has happened. Over the last couple years, at random times, my ankles will sort of sprain themselves. I could literally be sitting still, doing nothing, and all of a sudden my left foot is the size of a nanasi (pineapple). Which is exactly what has happened while we are eating late night food. It isn’t too bad at the start, which is why I get in the cab. But by the time we get out, I am walking like a pirate. Everybody else beats me up the rock, but I do make it. And, to my deranged buddy’s credit, it is beautiful, looking over the city, asleep in the moonlight. Of course, having reached the top, all of my friends follow the city’s example, and fall asleep. I would love to, but at this point my ankle is screaming in pain. A smarter man would wait for his friends to wake up, and deal with the pain. But a smarter man would have been in bed by 10pm to get up for a 6am bus. So he’s not here to help us, is he?
I get up and climb back down the rock. I reason (accurately, I still maintain) that my friends will awake, call me, and since they each have two working legs, catch up with me rather quickly. All of this works right up to the point where my friends get lost, walk through a backyard, and end up wandering the wrong way on the main highway. They still catch a cab before I do...because there ain’t no justice. I head for the aforementioned bar where we got a quick drink earlier in the night, figuring that even though it is 3am, there may still be cabs. Again, sound theory fails me. Because I have forgotten to account for a couple of things: 1. that the bar is about two miles away down a loose gravel road, and 2. that I have one working leg. Count ‘em Jim, one. But the hill won’t walk itself. Here we go.
I won’t bore you with the details. It hurt, a lot. There were dogs, and they barked, and when I reached the end of one fence, another one took up the call. I would have been pretty easy to track. I think about stopping, and then realizing my bus leaves in two hours...I don’t.
I am reminded of Chaucer in ‘Knight’s Tale’. To trudge: the slow, weary, depressing yet determined walk of a man who has nothing left in life except the impulse to simply soldier on. Amen brother.
I eventually reach flat ground, and supercharge myself up to about 2 miles an hour. I get to the bar. It is, of course, closed and abandoned. Except no! There is a lonely looking dude sitting outside, in front of a grill. There’s nothing on the grill, but I’m in no position to pry. Can he call me a taxi? Maybe. It is, at this point 4:30 in the morning. The walk has taken some time. He says the cab is coming. I sit in pain. I ask him to call again. Still coming. More pain. I get up to go. Cab shows up. I try not to kiss the cabbie. I succeed. The night, such as it was, is drawing to a close. I stumble/limp into my room at 5am. My alarm is set for 5:30am. So I do what only a true idiot, who has learned nothing that life has tried to teach him, would do. I go to sleep. Will be easy to get up in a half hour, right? And if I don’t, my roommate will surely wake me in plenty of time to catch the 6am bus, which he also is riding. Right?
I wake up at 6:20. Because Fate thinks she’s funny. I call my friend. Yes, she’s on the bus. Yes...it has left. Did my roommate try to wake me? Nope, that didn’t happen. Okay then. I won’t cry. Big boys don’t. Just gonna check out, hurry up to the bus stand, and see if the company will give me a discounted ticket. Of course, when I check out, my roommate also hasn’t paid his half of the room. So that’s fun. Who likes money anyway? I limp up to the bus stand. They will give me another ticket, for an extra 10,000 shillings. Swell. All this money was just driving me crazy anyway. I get on the bus, extremely excited about a 9 hour drive, by myself, on a hard seat, on a pretty awful road. Thankfully I can’t manage to stay conscious for more than about two hours of the whole trip. Luckily, when I arrive, I can sort of walk. I’m so excited by this fact that I waltz off the bus, completely forgetting the plastic bag with all my toiletries. Cuz who likes to be clean? Finally, against all odds, have fought through all manner of obstacles, I reach my hotel in Dar. I am ready to shower, change, weep for a while, then eat a horse, dead or alive. I get to the desk, ready to be presented with the keys to my sanity. What’s that you say? There’s no reservation. Didn’t my friend make one? Apparently not. It is at this point that I realize that I’ve lost my toiletries bag. It is at this point that I begin retracing all the decisions in my life that led me to this moment. It is, at this point, that I collapse in a corner, begin to suck on my thumb, and wait for someone else to make it better.
I had a day like this once. It was funnier, and less painful. I left New York in the morning in the van I needed to return. Got pulled over for speeding in New Jersey. As a result, I missed my train. Grand. Saw my parents, had lunch with a buddy. My parents drove me for the next train. It pulled out as we pulled in. Grander. My parents now drove me back to New Jersey (like breaking back into Alcatraz), and put me on the platform in plenty of time for the next train. It arrived, and I got on. And it promptly started going west. New York was east. Four hours or so later, I got off the subway in New York. A four hour journey had taken eleven. When I got off the subway, for the first (and hopefully last) time in my life, I bend down and kissed the New York sidewalk (if you have since kissed these lips, I apologize). That day was annoying, but it was funny. This day, in Tanzania, was painful. It was long and it was embarrassing. And after my thumb was removed from my mouth, after I was placed into a room, and after I had taken the most needed shower in the history of man, the first thing I thought of was all of you. Because while this day long, painful, and embarrassing, that does not mean it cannot be funny. All that’s needed to turn an awful experience into a funny story is a willing audience. So now, as always, I salute you, dear readers. Before, all I had was a sore bottom, no shampoo, and a series of regrets. Now, I’ve got a story.
I am in Iringa, my banking town. It is Saturday. I am headed to Dar Es Salaam, the largest city in country, Sunday morning. My ticket is for 6am, on an overcrowded bus through the mountains. Why 6am, you ask? Because it was cheaper. And while my friends and I were planning on going out...I guess I planned on sleeping on the bus. Which I did. Just not on the bus I planned. Here we go.
In Iringa there is a large rock. I believe it’s called Gongilanga...we call it Pride Rock...and every time we go up there we mock and scorn the first mshamba (redneck) to shout out, “one day son, all of this will be yours”. If there is a more beautiful place to watch the sunset, I’ve never seen it. On Saturday we went up there around 6pm or so, had a nice hike, watched the sunset, and came back down. Thus began what was really a wonderful night. We stopped by a bar on the way back down the hill to have a quick drink. I should mention at this point that I was out with my friends from my region, who were all in town for a final meeting to close out our Girls Conference. There were also a bunch of new volunteers in town who had not yet sworn in and who had just finished a one-week shadow. We get to catch up like this maybe every other month or so, and it’s always great to see a lot of people after weeks in the village living by ourselves.
We all went out to dinner that night, which in and of itself is always an adventure. Most Tanzanian restaurants only pack one or two ovens...charcoal ovens. So when we show up en masse, like a dozen or so, our food sometimes takes about two hours to arrive. This is not a huge problem, as the place has a balcony that overlooks Iringa. It is one of the only mzungu (white person) places in town, so it usually attracts an interesting crowd. That night we met a bunch of English women in town for a month or two to work at an orphanage. I also played my first few games of Tanzanian 8-ball (you get two shots after scratching...weird), lost 2 and won 2. Food arrived, we ate, we laughed, and we left...to go dancing.
Discos. Fun places. Places of joy, loud music, moving lights...and prostitutes. Can’t speak for their primary talents, but I’ve watched them on the dance floor. Wanaweza (they can bring it). The disco is always an interesting scene. Nobody is too impressed by me, but when the female volunteers show up, there’s always a stir. I end up doing a lot of pass-blocking for my friends (gotta watch the blind sides). But tonight the crowd is fairly tame, and there are a whole lot of us, which is always more fun. The DJ also plays a lot of American music, for which we are eternally grateful. Another volunteer and I try a swing-dance lift...she hits the deck. We try again...no luck. Third time’s the charm...and she’s up!
We stay till about two in the morning, and then we go to get some food...and things take a turn. There is a Tanzanian cafeteria open 24/7 (civilization has arrived!), and we are able to get some rice and beans. And as we are sitting at the table, thanking Mungu (God) for late night food, one of my friends has a bright little idea. The next time he has a bright little idea, I’m going to beat him over the head with a fimbo (stick), strap him to a kitanda (bed), and gag him with a parachichi (avocado). But tonight he’s got an idea. And he’s going to convince all of us of it.
Back to the rock.
This, in and of itself, is a horrible idea. It is 2am. It is cold. And the rock is on top of a mountain. Mountains are high. There is a road, but it’s awful, and cars can’t make it that far up. To add injury to insult, a strange thing has happened. Over the last couple years, at random times, my ankles will sort of sprain themselves. I could literally be sitting still, doing nothing, and all of a sudden my left foot is the size of a nanasi (pineapple). Which is exactly what has happened while we are eating late night food. It isn’t too bad at the start, which is why I get in the cab. But by the time we get out, I am walking like a pirate. Everybody else beats me up the rock, but I do make it. And, to my deranged buddy’s credit, it is beautiful, looking over the city, asleep in the moonlight. Of course, having reached the top, all of my friends follow the city’s example, and fall asleep. I would love to, but at this point my ankle is screaming in pain. A smarter man would wait for his friends to wake up, and deal with the pain. But a smarter man would have been in bed by 10pm to get up for a 6am bus. So he’s not here to help us, is he?
I get up and climb back down the rock. I reason (accurately, I still maintain) that my friends will awake, call me, and since they each have two working legs, catch up with me rather quickly. All of this works right up to the point where my friends get lost, walk through a backyard, and end up wandering the wrong way on the main highway. They still catch a cab before I do...because there ain’t no justice. I head for the aforementioned bar where we got a quick drink earlier in the night, figuring that even though it is 3am, there may still be cabs. Again, sound theory fails me. Because I have forgotten to account for a couple of things: 1. that the bar is about two miles away down a loose gravel road, and 2. that I have one working leg. Count ‘em Jim, one. But the hill won’t walk itself. Here we go.
I won’t bore you with the details. It hurt, a lot. There were dogs, and they barked, and when I reached the end of one fence, another one took up the call. I would have been pretty easy to track. I think about stopping, and then realizing my bus leaves in two hours...I don’t.
I am reminded of Chaucer in ‘Knight’s Tale’. To trudge: the slow, weary, depressing yet determined walk of a man who has nothing left in life except the impulse to simply soldier on. Amen brother.
I eventually reach flat ground, and supercharge myself up to about 2 miles an hour. I get to the bar. It is, of course, closed and abandoned. Except no! There is a lonely looking dude sitting outside, in front of a grill. There’s nothing on the grill, but I’m in no position to pry. Can he call me a taxi? Maybe. It is, at this point 4:30 in the morning. The walk has taken some time. He says the cab is coming. I sit in pain. I ask him to call again. Still coming. More pain. I get up to go. Cab shows up. I try not to kiss the cabbie. I succeed. The night, such as it was, is drawing to a close. I stumble/limp into my room at 5am. My alarm is set for 5:30am. So I do what only a true idiot, who has learned nothing that life has tried to teach him, would do. I go to sleep. Will be easy to get up in a half hour, right? And if I don’t, my roommate will surely wake me in plenty of time to catch the 6am bus, which he also is riding. Right?
I wake up at 6:20. Because Fate thinks she’s funny. I call my friend. Yes, she’s on the bus. Yes...it has left. Did my roommate try to wake me? Nope, that didn’t happen. Okay then. I won’t cry. Big boys don’t. Just gonna check out, hurry up to the bus stand, and see if the company will give me a discounted ticket. Of course, when I check out, my roommate also hasn’t paid his half of the room. So that’s fun. Who likes money anyway? I limp up to the bus stand. They will give me another ticket, for an extra 10,000 shillings. Swell. All this money was just driving me crazy anyway. I get on the bus, extremely excited about a 9 hour drive, by myself, on a hard seat, on a pretty awful road. Thankfully I can’t manage to stay conscious for more than about two hours of the whole trip. Luckily, when I arrive, I can sort of walk. I’m so excited by this fact that I waltz off the bus, completely forgetting the plastic bag with all my toiletries. Cuz who likes to be clean? Finally, against all odds, have fought through all manner of obstacles, I reach my hotel in Dar. I am ready to shower, change, weep for a while, then eat a horse, dead or alive. I get to the desk, ready to be presented with the keys to my sanity. What’s that you say? There’s no reservation. Didn’t my friend make one? Apparently not. It is at this point that I realize that I’ve lost my toiletries bag. It is at this point that I begin retracing all the decisions in my life that led me to this moment. It is, at this point, that I collapse in a corner, begin to suck on my thumb, and wait for someone else to make it better.
I had a day like this once. It was funnier, and less painful. I left New York in the morning in the van I needed to return. Got pulled over for speeding in New Jersey. As a result, I missed my train. Grand. Saw my parents, had lunch with a buddy. My parents drove me for the next train. It pulled out as we pulled in. Grander. My parents now drove me back to New Jersey (like breaking back into Alcatraz), and put me on the platform in plenty of time for the next train. It arrived, and I got on. And it promptly started going west. New York was east. Four hours or so later, I got off the subway in New York. A four hour journey had taken eleven. When I got off the subway, for the first (and hopefully last) time in my life, I bend down and kissed the New York sidewalk (if you have since kissed these lips, I apologize). That day was annoying, but it was funny. This day, in Tanzania, was painful. It was long and it was embarrassing. And after my thumb was removed from my mouth, after I was placed into a room, and after I had taken the most needed shower in the history of man, the first thing I thought of was all of you. Because while this day long, painful, and embarrassing, that does not mean it cannot be funny. All that’s needed to turn an awful experience into a funny story is a willing audience. So now, as always, I salute you, dear readers. Before, all I had was a sore bottom, no shampoo, and a series of regrets. Now, I’ve got a story.
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